i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
