they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the day after is always just damage control
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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