Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
