nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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