his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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