Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
