Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
