Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
birth control should be required to get into college
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
