You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
