Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
