Im at strip club and am horny
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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