sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
