Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Pants are for mortals
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
