I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
