I forgot how hot balto sounded
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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