Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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