Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
