I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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