How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
