i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
