I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I cockslap morals
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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