just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
