drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
