Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Jerry, you need to find god
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
