i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
