my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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