soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We left the knife in your bed.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
