he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
