soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
