just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
