Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I touched a dick in church today
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