Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Let's get the cat blown out
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
