I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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