And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize
