Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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