I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
