yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
