If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
