he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Who died my cat blue again?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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