I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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