Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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