Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
