Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She even gives head with a lisp.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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