Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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