The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
