Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
