Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
