just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
