I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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