Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
