i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
