It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
