There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
