I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
