Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
