So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
